September 26, 2022

Research has shown that the most common emotions experienced by a couple when they split up are confusion, guilt, frustrations, grief, loss of control, anger, rejection, and shame. These feelings, as well as how each person behaves and reacts, are affected by the circumstances of the split-up. This includes who decides that it’s over, who left, who initiated the divorce or civil partner dissolution, and who was involved in the infidelity. A soon-to-be ex-spouse/partner may be unpredictable and unreliable when trying to manage these emotions or navigate the turbulent waters of a divorce. Rejection and bitterness can lead to an urge to ‘hurt back’. This can escalate anger and conflict and make it difficult to reach decisions.

Even if both spouses agree that the marriage is over, there are still feelings of anger, frustration, and shame. All of these affect an individual’s ability to absorb information, make informed decisions, and access support when it is most needed.

While I am the family law surrey bc and provide strategic and pragmatic legal advice, it is important to be able to understand (and help clients to understand) that these emotions are normal. Each person will have their own story about the reasons for separation. Rarely will these two stories be identical. However, it is a positive “but” that disagreements are a normal part of family life. These are essential and you need to learn how to disagree constructively, not destructively.

Communication is crucial to a healthy relationship. This applies even if there are disagreements. Parents can learn how to better communicate with one another and prevent them from getting into a vicious argumentative cycle. This increases the likelihood of co-operation and helps to find ways to get along.

These are my top tips for breaking the cycle of negativity and turning it into something positive.

Understand how your emotions impact the way you communicate
You can regulate your emotions so that you can remain calm and express your views
Be attentive and listen patiently. Try to understand what is not being said as well as what has been said
Be clear about your goals and family life, without worrying about what others think.
To solve problems and find a solution that is satisfactory for everyone, negotiate fairly and confidently

My passion is to focus on the benefits and importance of communication. I’m delighted to be a trustee for One plus One, which aims to strengthen relationships by providing resources to families and front-line workers to address relationship issues early. Their work encourages early intervention about support, according to the latest research. They provide the knowledge and skills to help people deal with relationship problems before they become entrenched. They offer support to couples going through a separation, including training in how to argue better.

I have gained a new perspective on work by being involved in a charity that supports relationships. I find it helps me to see relationships from a different perspective and allows me to apply some of my knowledge to One Plus Ones.

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